Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Supernatural Strength! (from the present, not part of the stories I have been posting)

Why not share the truth of Jesus Christ and his sweet, tender grace with all the people engaged in this weird new venue labeled the blogosphere? These astonishing transformations continue everyday as I seek Him humbly without fear, I have given myself all to Him, and it is 'a day at at time'(to steal another once hated cliche from A.A). I have to let go of doubts and when they arise I know it is evil trying to turn me back to the shelter and comfort of drugs and alcohol, and so easy it was before to negotiate within myself, giving in to the wants of the devil. The devil... another word people are easily tured off by when hearing, but he is real, he knows what I have been up to and he is afraid that I will continually become a stronger asset to God's will on Earth. I have opened my mind and heart and feel inasane strength in my walk with Jesus. It would be a shame for me not to proclaim him, before I would be embarrassed but really I was ashamed of myself. I knew Jesus from church so I didn't feel genuine enough to speak of him to anyone, especially in my darkest days(strung out on heroin). I am completely born again with Him, no matter how cliche that sounds. All of the 'buzz words' like God, church, and Jesus sadly turn off the masses because of fanatics and people who aren't real Christians that judge and condemn people. Dont't get me wrong I am not trying to sound like I understand everything under the spectrum about what God really wants us to be as 'real' Christians. I am His student, so let me tell you something crazy joyous and uplifting I recently experienced. Yes the last three weeks I have felt close to God and have surrendered and been compltetley courageous in making major changes, not only in sobriety, but in asking Jesus to have all of me, for I am His anyways, why not embrace it? However, the last several days I have stopped taking medicine that helps people get off Heroin, called Suboxone, it isn't as hardcore in trying to stop taking as Heroin withdrawals can be (methadone withdrawals are the worst in my experience). It is a mild opiate, and since discontinuing its use, I have been in a lot of pain and discomfort. So I prayed, exercised stayed busy, had my roommates pray for me, and then I remembered my brother, Aaron I havent asked to pray for me in several weeks. The first day I had gone without my medicine I ached and had typical opiate withdrawal symptoms. I had finally gotten off work around 10pm, that first day was nearing it's demise. Aaron lives a few blocks from where I reside in Austin now, so I called him, and asked if I could swing by. He was one of the first people I have made myself accountable to in Austin aware of my mission I had set off earlier that day. I had told him to check up on me because I could of been triggered to shoot dope, but God had other plans for me. So I trucked on thru the first day and found myself desperately seeking God but couldn't feel him, so I sought and prayed, and now I in my brothers backyard, under the beautiful nights sky-scape. Aaron prayed and broke out of prayer and had a conversation with me, I said, "Whoaa, so yo just break in and out of prayer, what are you doing?" (I have so much to learn), "YEa... thats how we do it," he grinned at me. Towards the end of what before would of been a prayer to put me to sleep,LOL!..., awakened the presence of Jesus, GOd, and the Holy Spirit, alive in me!
I had seen others do what once I would have mocked and sworn off as fanatical lunacy, healing prayer, which doesn't always work, but after my first encounter with it I believe it all has too do with how open you are to letting 'Him" in, and probably how spiritual the one praying for you is. It isn't a quick fix, it doesn't happen every time, I still had to go thru several more days of discomfort and withdrawal. However, I was so desperate and so open and willing to try anything because my will was destroying my spirit and soon would kill me. So Aaron asks the Lord to fill me with his presence, heal me, and give me continued strength. I felt an intense tingling sensation from head to toe, numbing all of my body, and killing all those symptoms for the rest of that night till I went to sleep. Aaron asked me if I felt any better, and I didn't even speak for a good 20 secs, I was analyzing this intense supernatural overwhelming feeling. I am yours Jesus I had proclaimed weeks before, so now he was providing me the strength to go against my brain was used to in the last 12yrs. I don't know except by the grace of God, I went thru those withdrawals and working a job during these days as well. The ensuing few days I continued to pray and worship and the same sensations overwhelmed me throughout the day, reminding me that he was there with me always, no matter if I felt 'Him" or not. There will be days I won't feel this and it's cool cause I am not a 'Jesus robot', I know he is there even thru those times he chooses not to reveal himself to me. It is in these seemingly unfulfilling times that I learn the most and look back on what had been revealed, just in a different fashion. I will never fully know all of God's love but I can seek him thru daily prayer, and am working on the meditation. God love us so freakin' much, all of us, I encourage all those doubters to embrace Him, it is the best feeling ever, and coming from me that should say a lot if you knew me and how I once lived. I am learning more and more everyday. When I have doubts about heaven or hell, I can take solace in that my little mind can't grasp all Him overnight, but I can let my faith grow thru some simple actions. I don't have to identify or let my imagination run with those doubts, just accept them and pray for them to dissipate. It is the Devil tryin' to confuse the crap out of me and I am learning how easy it is to not allow satan to sway me. It's all and everything thru God's fantas-mical sweet Glory! Duudddeee!!!! Sccwwhhhhttt!!!!! DUDE! SWEET Potatos!