DFW MONKEY: AN ANXIOUS INTERMISSION

 Fear throttled me into a new realm of anxiousness after I had committed a string of B.M.V's (Burglary of a Motor Vehicle) in one drunken night of mayhem.  'They' had me logged into the State of Texas' cancerous system now. I was arrested, bailed out, and then arrested again months later before finally being sentenced. As with most fears this one stemmed from guilty anger. At the time I selfishly felt  anxiety purely from not knowing what my punishment would entail. During a span of about two weeks, beginning from the time that the detectives discovered the stolen goods in my room, scared me into confessing, and ending at the time I was initially arrested was the source of the majority of this anxiety. I was told that they had enough evidence for their case against me, and that this would result in a warrant being issued for my arrest. When would they come to get my punk ass? They said they couldn't tell me exactly when this would happen, but simply assured me that it would happen sometime in the near future. At the time this crime was a misdemeanor (now I believe it is a state jail felony) and so I figured that I just might be confined in the County jail longer than my nieve teenage brain could comprehend.   When that warrant was issued it prompted the cops to come and find me.  I didn't try to elude them. They easily enough got me on their first attempt, coming out to my parent's house in one successful swoop.  There are many different ways to define the word 'surrender'. That was a definite example of a  forced 'physical surrender', but it would be over a decade later when I decided willingly to submit myself to a much sweeter 'spiritual surrender.' In city jail I experienced a brief stay of several days and nights where I wallowed in this guilt-ridden anxious contemplation. That first concrete desolation was not nearly enough to cause me to wise up even the slightest.  The living hell that my destruction would gravitate me through the following years was fucking sick.  My parent's bailed me out of the city jail, and it wasn't until December that I was arrested again.  During these seven months I started fooling around with shooting that dark ass black tar heroin. I am sure that I would've starting shooting dope regardless, but these problems that I was experiencing with the law helped to swiftly propel me into a new angst, which called for a stronger dose everyday.